Olivia S.
If you’re reading this, know that it all works out.
Navigating being away from home was hard for me, but navigating Duke was nearly impossible. I assumed I would not be good enough for any sorority nor would I be wanted because if there was one thing I learned in my first semester here it was that people like me aren’t supposed to be here. No one prepares you for the economic culture shock when you step onto East campus. No one prepares you for the seemingly abundant diversity that feels so scarce because so many students of color are spread out across campus and the moment you fail to successfully locate Black Duke or other minority groups there is no redemption and suddenly you just don’t fit in anywhere. No one prepares you for the meals with friends off campus you will miss because your single mother back home can barely ensure food on her table let alone provide the funds for exuberant Durham restaurants and the finest of dining. No one prepares you for the isolation that persists because despite your best efforts school is hard, and no matter how hard you try this isn’t high school anymore.
The imposter syndrome is real, the self-doubt is real, and the lack of reassurance that you made the right decision. Well, that is all too real. Maybe these above circumstances do not apply to everyone, but regardless of any one person’s obstacles or dilemmas, college is hard and there have been more times than not that each one of us in Kappa here at Duke can narrate where we felt lost, isolated, and alone. We can of course be optimistic and hope that this never happens to any of our friends or fellow sisters. But we should always be realistic and make sure we are confident in our relationships and friends so that when hard times emerge the support system is there because none of us are down the halls from our family any more, and we all have to find our families away from family. And for me, my home away from home was and continues to be Kappa.
Only 2 years ago I was in the final round of sorority rush for the sororities I was rushing, listening to a current senior express her love for each person in the sorority. Soon after I was put into a breakout room with someone who has since graduated and I started crying, so embarrassing, because I had not experienced at Duke in my first semester what had just been explained by the senior. I felt so lost the entire first semester and was certain I would never fit in anywhere. I was too white for some rooms, too black for others, and always way too poor. I was the definition of in limbo, constantly struggling to find a place where I didn’t feel like I was an alien walking on a campus with absurd amounts of gothic architecture. So when I heard someone explain that Kappa was the place where bonds are formed, best friends are found, and lifelong memories are made I knew I had landed in the right sorority, found my people, and knew exactly where I was meant to be.
Now, 2 years later I can say with the utmost level of confidence that I made the right decision because in Kappa no one cares about the color of my skin, the first, second, or third numbers of my GPA, my economic status, or where I “vacation”. In Kappa, I have found people who do not judge when you wear sweatpants to class when you have no idea what your plans are in the future, or not when you have a mental breakdown and become a shell of the human you once were: I do not speak from personal experience or anything. But in Kappa, I have found my forever people and I refuse to believe I will ever meet anyone quite like them. I refuse to believe I will come to know someone more willing than to always take a mental health ice cream run with me or people-watch in WU. And let me tell you, these runs and people-watching times stopped me from mental breakdowns way more times than anyone might know. I refuse to believe I will ever find a roommate, friend, and person like I have. I have been fortunate enough that this person has become one of the best friends I could ask all because she was also one of the random girls in Kappa who did not go abroad their junior fall. I also refuse to believe I will ever meet a better listener and advice-giver than I have. There is no one I have ever been quite as vulnerable with since leaving home and it's very fitting that she is my big because she is truly my big sister and loudest cheerleader here at Duke and I would not have it any other way. If there is one thing we know it is how to ride or die for each other and how to be a necessary foundational backbone, a shoulder to cry on, or an extra set of helping hands whenever needed. I have been forever blessed to be in this sorority. And if I could say one thing to my freshman-year self it’s that I made the right choice and that it gets easier, because somehow over time this school became my home and the people became my family.
Although I owe my sorority a lot for helping me navigate life at Duke, grow as a person, and find my forever people, there are other outlets on campus I have found that have served the same role. Greek life is not the only source of finding this same environment. Instead, when you find people who share similar aspirations, goals, and journeys, this seems to somehow be accomplished. Cheer and athletics have been this source for me. My research project has also been this source. Presidential Ambassadors have been this source. The friends I met in classes over time have been this source. My list continues because when I readjusted my priorities and realized what I wanted from my time at Duke I found what meant the most to me: happiness, friendship, and love. It is not impossible to find here, it was certainly not easy nor quick; however, in due time it all works out.
Olivia S., Duke University
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