Ellie M.
Photography by Jake Berg.
If you’re reading this, you’re stronger than you think.
“You’re so strong.” This has been the phrase that has defined me for as long as I can remember. You get bullied at school for years: “you’re so strong for putting up with that.” You spend years staring at yourself in the mirror critically, calorie tracking and dieting, and refusing to shop for clothes because you’ll spiral if nothing fits: “you’re so strong for finally asking for help.” Your dad is hospitalized and sent to a rehab center weeks before your 13th birthday, and you don’t speak to him for a year: “you’re stronger than any 13-year-old should ever need to be.”
Strength is a virtue, and it is without a doubt one of the most powerful things a person can have. My strength has carried me through situations I did not think I would make it out of alive. But I think strength might mean something different to me now than it does to you. We instinctively define strength as being able to withstand any problem without faltering, and never letting it show that times are tough. But strength does not mean stoicism. Strength does not mean suffering in silence. Some find their strength in quiet and solitude – but many require the strength of others to hold them up.
I have found strength in the love I give to others, and the love they give to me in return. I have found strength in all of the people around me who are ‘strong’ when I can’t be – the ones who refuse to leave my side when I’m struggling, the ones who let me cry on their shoulders and wipe my tears when I’m done, the ones who make me laugh so hard my stomach hurts even on the worst of days. But most of all, I have found strength in my vulnerability. It’s one of the hardest things to do, to truly open yourself up, yet I’ve come to realize that my most authentic self exists only when I allow myself to be vulnerable. It’s terrifying, but in that vulnerability, there’s a profound truth that can’t be replicated. And don’t we owe it to ourselves to be real, no matter the risk? To embrace our flaws, fears, and uncertainties, knowing that it’s in that openness that we find our true strength?
You are so much stronger than you think. Do not let a preconceived notion of strength stop you from realizing that. And do not ever let someone take that strength from you. Find strength in your emotions and your vulnerability – ask for help, take a break, cry. Strength is not measured by the steps you take to heal. It is measured by your ability to persevere, no matter how messy or imperfect it may feel. Find your strength – I know you can.
Ellie M., University of Southern California
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