Catherine M.

If you’re reading this, I want you to know that it’s normal to be struggling through life's obstacles, and you can take small steps towards a better life.

Take time to find the things you love, and find meaning in your life that makes you happy. You’re worth it.

In elementary school, I was groped multiple times by my friend, and it was a traumatic experience which taught me to say no and set boundaries with people close to me.

It really made me distrustful of people, and made me feel weak. Through the years, I have grown stronger and more aware, and I realized that what happened to me doesn’t have to happen again. I am grateful, as it reminded me that I can walk away from any situation I feel uncomfortable in, and that how people treat you does not define you, it defines them. I want you to know you are more than what has happened to you.

I went to a school in middle school and high school where there was a lot of emphasis on grades, and so once I got to eighth grade I had developed intense anxiety over schoolwork. In ninth grade my grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, so my anxiety worsened.

I just remember my mother sobbing all the time, and I remember that deep penetrating whirlwind of sadness and fear with seeing my mother and her father both feeling lost and so confused over the course of the disease.

Towards the end of ninth grade, my anxiety had improved somewhat, as I had support from friends, but then the pandemic suddenly hit in March. With less support, it was difficult, and I soon realized that I needed to find the strength in myself to get better for the long haul.

This is usually where someone would say things got better. Unfortunately, as life happens, things took a turn for the worse, as I found out I had amenorrhea, which is a condition where you do not get periods. At the same time, my best friend ghosted me out of nowhere.

It was one of the scariest and most frustrating periods in my life. I felt like I had completely lost my identity as a woman, and I felt I had lost everything. I blamed myself, and I was really not strong in that situation. I went to doctors who could tell me nothing, and I had to come to terms with how my underlying anxiety was causing it, but ultimately I decided I needed to change and create a whole new life.

I went on my own journey, diving into new hobbies like guitar, running, and balloon twisting, and found meaning in John Green’s books, which opened up my world, and I connected with new friends that opened up my world. After realizing I needed to give up struggling to heal, I got my periods back, which felt like a small miracle.

Now I take some time out of every day to feel joy for those tiny things that matter in my life. My eyes are opened, and I am alive after everything, and that is wonderful. Anxiety is not who I am, I am a person who has anxiety, and I can always try to follow my dreams, and that is wonderful.

Now, after a year of college, I have accomplished so much more than I could have ever imagined. I just want you to know that your dreams can come true as well, and that through the ups and downs, you can beat the odds. You are more than your past, and YOU WILL BE more than your past. I believe you can overcome those obstacles you never thought you could cross, even if others don't seem to believe that. Open your eyes and find what makes you happy.

Catherine M., Arizona State University

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